This weekend would definitely not be categorized as one of my better ones.
Saturday morning I woke up and felt not quite myself. Every morning I have a routine of getting up around 5:30, getting ready for the day and enjoying a cup or two of coffee before the kids start waking up. I do this on the weekends as well. When my alarm went off at 5:30 Saturday morning I just couldn’t make myself get up out of bed. I just felt so exhausted and drained and that’s not like me. I am a morning person! I alway have been. The night before I had had two glasses of wine and let’s get real for minute, when I say 2 it was probably more like 3 glasses of wine because I do pretty sizable pours haha. So when I didn’t want to get up Saturday morning I just figured it was because of the wine. The kids started waking up and I still didn’t want to get out of bed and it just kind of followed me the rest of the morning. I thought to myself maybe I just need to eat breakfast and get some energy in me. When that didn’t help I thought OK just get dressed get your day going you’ll feel better. And that did not help! I mentally felt like doing nothing! I didn’t want to take care of the kids, as in not dealing with the constant bickering between the two of them over every little thing. I didn’t want to clean the house... this was a big deal. I’m at my most productive in the morning and I slay cleaning then so for me to see all the laundry and dishes just sitting there and not doing anything about them I s out of character for me. By lunch it hadn’t gotten better so I started thinking ‘oh no ,what am I getting sick?!’ But this feeling was different from that. Jude went down for a nap and I decided to lay in bed for a moment. I couldn’t focus on tv or my phone so I tried a nap. I haven’t taken a nap in 10 years but I was that drained that I actually did fall asleep for 45 minutes. And I thought I’d wake up refreshed and I didn’t. I actually woke up more drained and that’s when it finally hit me my body felt weird because I was having anxiety! The anxiety was brought on by who knows what but it was there. I’ve been dealing with it my entire life but it threw me off this time because I haven’t had in since Jude was born. I suffered from postpartum depression with both kids so I was used to getting waves of anxiety. I still get the normal anxiety from worrying about the kids but this weekend was different. I wasn’t worried about anything or at least nothing I could think of. This was the kind that makes you want to curl up and shut the world off but you can’t do that as a mom. I did my best to be as normal as I could be for the kids. They definitely watched a lot of tv but what was I supposed to do.

Anxiety is just one of those things that hits me and when it does it knocks me on my ass. All I know is it does creep up on people and it’s a real issue and sometimes medicine helps but not always. I tried medication but it didn’t make me feel any different so I stopped taking it years ago. In my opinion I don’t have it enough to feel like I need to be on any kind of medication. I just thought I would share this story because everyday someone is suffering in silence and that’s sad and they should know that others are right there with them.

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