FIGHTING WITH MY INNER SELF



Y’all, I’ve seriously been down in the dumps the last couple of weeks.  I’m not sure if it’s due to the holiday or winter blues or if it's the fact that I’ve gained so much weight from those STUPID holiday treats, but I’m not feeling myself at all!  I’m doing fine in the parenting section of life but the Me section is nowhere to be found.  I feel like my skin is all out of sorts...I’ve been breaking out on my chin for over a month now.  Am I going through puberty again!?! I can’t get it under control. I feel bloated and fat. Yes, I know I’m not fat but you can’t help the way you feel inside.  I look in a mirror and I’m not happy with the person staring back at me.  No amount of self-worthy talks I have with myself will change this feeling until I change how I’m living on the outside.  I know I haven’t been eating great, which is probably why my face is breaking out and why I’m “bloated”.  I also know I need to get my ass in gear with exercise...ugh! When I say that I hate exercising, I’m not exaggerating.  I go through these kicks where I’m like “Yes, I’m going to go for a run today” and I’ll keep that up for a whole 30 minutes...lol, just kidding. But for real, I make it about 2 weeks before life gets in the way.  It would be so much easier if I had a friend to push me, but it’s hard to find someone to go on a run with, and trying to match up both schedules to even make it possible is extremely difficult.  I would love to join a workout class like yoga or barre but that stuff is expensive and I don’t have the expendable funds just laying around.  Can you hear all the excuses already? Haha

I do know there are things I can do to make myself feel better. I could go for a walk without the kids! I love to walk.  I could walk for miles and miles as long as I’m outside doing it.  I could finally get a haircut.  Y’all, it’s probably been over 4 or 5 months since I’ve seen a hairdresser.  Getting a haircut is one of those small pleasures in life that I look forward too because they come so rarely.  I could start treating my skin better.  I think I forget or simply ignore the fact that I’m getting older (insert crying face here).  Whether I like it or not it’s happening...and quicker each year.  I’ve really started noticing the changes in my face this past year.  When I smile I see the wrinkles around my eyes and mouth are so visible that I’ve started not smiling as big in pictures because of it. So to change this, I went to Marshalls the other day and loaded up on different facial products. I got a nightly cream, day cream, eye cream and an anti-ageing cream to start trying out and hopefully helping to slow down the process a little. 

Does it sound like I’m a complainer?  I really try to see the beauty within but as I stated before I can’t feel that way inside until I’ve fixed the problem on the outside.  Yes, to me it’s a problem, because I know I can make better choices.  Writing all of this out it has helped with the process of realizing where I need to start, and now I’ve got the motivation so I need to run “walk” with it.   

Here’s hoping I’ll feel better each day by making the right choices and seeing the rewards from those choices over time. Nothing can be fixed in a day but you do have to start somewhere!

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